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Infinite Present

By Laura Hermsen, Associate Director

I have been finding that I am really struggling with making decisions lately, especially long-term decisions. I am someone who does a lot of research into the pros and cons of a decision, into potential consequences and weighs as many facets of a decision as I can. COVID-19 has thrown my whole process into an infinite spiral. There’s never a right answer and the information changes weekly, daily, or even hourly.

The phrase that seems to entirely encompass this is infinite present. We have no definite future plans, no anticipation of future events – all we have is here and now. It’s an endless today, never tomorrow. We’re living Bill Murray’s Groundhog’s Day but without the groundhog or all the antics. I can’t picture what tomorrow will look like and I feel incredibly frustrated not knowing. I have been making decisions about what this fall and winter will look like for my children. Will they go to school in a building? What will that look like. Will they learn online? Will that go okay? Will they learn anything? I have so many questions and not one single answer.

I may not know what next week will look like but I can look forward to small, enjoyable events - my favorite foods, playing with my dogs, a nap, the smell of wet, dewy grass in the morning, the bunnies that come out to play in my yard at dusk, renting a new movie to watch with my kids. Finding the joy in this new everyday normal isn’t easy and I have to remind myself over and over again to find it, but it’s there waiting for me when I remember to look. Look for your joy, be kind to yourself, and reach out for help when you need. We’re here for you.

If you are struggling as well, with day to day mental health and stability, below is a list of mental health resources in our communities.

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